


Don't Raise My Hopes Up

by deliriouslyshipping



Series: T'Cherik Drabbles [4]
Category: Black Panther (2018)
Genre: Domestic, Killchalla in America, non Wakandan Erik
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 03:32:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14416755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deliriouslyshipping/pseuds/deliriouslyshipping
Summary: Wamkelekile ekhaya, uthando lwam-Welcome home, my love.Also, sorry for any errors. I did not go over this work when I made it minutes before I passed out.





	Don't Raise My Hopes Up

N’Jadaka didn’t get much of a family. When his father died, as a child to understand, the hopes of a family were swept from him. N’Jadaka was placed into the foster care system under Erik, where multiple families came in and rejected him because “they wasn’t ready.” 

But Erik knows the problem is him. He has too much pain built up and won’t release it, so instead he stares at his lap and ignores his new “parents,” like he needs them. In the end, he caused too much stress for any family to handle, so he stayed in the system with Joann-Auntie, if you ask him who she is. No one understood better than her that a family is not what he wanted anymore, so she stopped trying to place him. Years passed and he worked his ass off to be at the top of his class, making it into MIT with flying colors. Joann sat at his graduation with tears in her eyes. Erik smiled her way, but he thought about the empty chairs next to her. He felt anger with the world in that moment, for taking moments like this away from him-moments he should’ve shared with a mother and father. The anger vanished when Joann hugged him tightly, sharing how proud of him she was.

“Thanks, Auntie,” and everything was well enough for now. 

–

Erik graduated top of his class at MIT as well, but Joann couldn’t make it to that graduation. After he walked the stage, he visited her headstone and refused to cry. The world has something against N’Jadaka-God has something out for him, if that damn man is real. 

“I will never let anyone be taken from me again,” Erik swore at her grave, placing her favorite flowers at the head. One tear fell, but Erik pretended it didn’t exist. He refused to let anyone close to him..because everyone left him. His mom didn’t want him, his father died, his Auntie died, and finally he died on the inside.

–

Instead of doing something with his degree, he worked at a gym. He helps grown men improve their boxing-and by improve, he beats their asses and gives them tips for next time. It has its definite benefits; his body is sculpted and the women love him (and he loves the women right back). Erik loves his job, loves the power that surges through his veins with each rep, each punch, every time he goes into his apartment with a sore body. 

Everything was as it should be; he has no stringed sex, something he enjoys doing everyday, and about as much heart as a dead corpse. Except-

T’Challa shows up in a coffee shop one day with bright eyes and a wide smile. Erik doesn’t like coffee, hates it, but the way the man drinks it makes Erik want to reconsider. Erik watches the man from afar while sipping on his fruit smoothie, trying to be subtle on his assured interest in the guy. 

Erik does this for the next week, waiting for the guy to come into the shop to buy a french vanilla latte with a biscuit. Erik is definitely done with drinking strawberry-banana smoothies, but he finds himself so invested in figuring this guy out. All that he knows is that his name is T’Challa because they say his name out loud for him to get his order. God, Erik feels like a stalker. 

He is playing on his phone, but then T’Challa is right there in front of him, smiling. 

“Um, hi. You’ve kind of been staring at me for the past week.” 

“I’m sorry,” Erik says, but he feels his guts twist in something. Nervousness? When the fuck has he ever felt nervous. 

“It is alright. I may have looked at you a time or two as well,” T’Challa chuckles, “may I sit?” 

And Erik would be a fucking idiot if he said no. 

–

When Erik learns T’Challa has a kid, which happened at their third week talking, when he finds him at a park unexpectedly, Erik almost runs. He was trying to because he will not get into any situation that includes a kid. It will go two ways, and both ways are something Erik promised himself he wouldn’t get into. 

But T’Challa dragged him to a bench, told Ujasiri to go play, and explained it to him. Explained that his mother didn’t want Ujasiri, gave him up the moment she had him. Erik’s jaw was tight the whole time, but he wasn’t sure if it was for sympathy for the kid (more of empathy, Erik knows better than a lot of people about not being wanted) or the fact he doing exactly what he said he wouldn’t. He’s got too close to T’Challa for him to back out of this easily. 

Erik was dead set on leaving, knowing he can successfully ignore T’Challa if he so chose, but he kissed him instead by the fountain that kids ran through. T’Challa grabbed his face and kissed him again. 

“Baba, who is this?” Ujasiri joined them with soaked clothes. T’Challa darts his eyes at Erik, expecting. Erik bends down and extends his hand instead. 

“What’s up, dude?”

–

T’Challa and Erik have sex. Quite a bit, actually, when Ujasiri (which is Swahili for courage, because “he gives me courage,” as T’Challa says) is out with his friends or has baseball after school. Erik actually lets out his real name once, curses himself for it, but easily forgives himself as T’Challa says it out loud. 

T’Challa tells him that he was born in Wakanda and that he ran away due to pressure. Erik could not understand that fully, but he nods anyway and dips his head for a kiss.  
Erik and Ujasiri also get along very well; Ujasiri sometimes refer to him as dad, but his mind rejects the sentiment. His heart, however, beats faster and a smile undoubtedly appears. He helps the kid with baseball and bullying when they call Ujasiri “too dark” and his funny name. N’Jadaka feels anger at the people who won’t help Ujasiri, but he also remembers his childhood too, but it only spikes it more.

He settles it by going to the gym and punching the bag until his knuckles bleed. 

It dawns on him that night that he has gotten way too close. Ujasiri and T’Challa have tamed this..panther of hatred and pain. His heart has a soft spot and it is named family. He never had a chance for a family, but now he has one, but he never wanted it. 

Fuck.

–

Erik’s keys open the door to two suitcases. T’Challa is there, waiting with that look on his face. Erik knows that look so well and his whole demeanor changes in a second. Something is up and this is a conversation Erik had not prepared himself for in a long time.

“I.. have to go. My father has passed and I must attend his funeral.” Erik feels some sort of relief wash through him and he relaxes in the slightest. 

“When will you be back?” Erik asks because he knows he will miss the two of them.

“I do not know…” It clicks then. T’Challa is not coming back. He covers his pain behind his hard eyes and is hating himself on the inside. 

“I get it,” T’Challa reaches for him and he snaps away, “have fun in Wakanda.” Erik snaps and walks to the other side of the room and back. 

“I do not have a choice, N’Ja-”

“Don’t you dare say my name!” Erik feels the tears; he feels like he did when he held his father’s bloodied body on the street and at Auntie’s gravestone. He hates himself for even taking notice of his lover because everyone leaves. 

“I love you, you know that.” Tears welled up in his eyes, but he doesn’t hold them back. He allows himself to feel for once, to cry. His body aches more than any workout has and his head pulses. 

“Bulshit, T’Challa, fucking bullshit. Don’t raise my hopes on some pipe dream.” The room quietens as tension rises. Erik pulls at his hair, still pacing. 

“Will you say goodbye to Ujasiri?

“Nah, he will be better off.” Erik wants to add without me but he is hurting enough as it is. He stomps inside of his room and locks it. T’Challa doesn’t come in or ask to, and he doesn’t remember pain being this harsh.

At 6:47, the door closes to the front door. Erik is alone. Again. 

–

2 years have passed. It took a month for Erik to slip into his regular schedule again without intentionally causing pain to others for his benefit. He doesn’t sleep around, he wishes he could. But T’Challa’s face comes in his mind every time he gets close and it ruins it for him. T’Challa has ruined a lot of things for him. 

He is on his daily run when begins no notice the letters on the ground. He picks one up, confused. He runs back to the start of the trail and reads the words. It says “N’Jadaka.” Erik runs the path of the painted paw prints on the ground that followed his name and he goes to the park. The same park that he kissed T’Challa in. He catches his breath from the running, but it is stolen from him when he sees the ship. He sees T’Challa and Ujasiri exit with two women following, spears in hand. 

They are dressed differently. His ex-lover looks like African royalty and Ujasiri the same. Erik’s jaw shakes. 

“T-” but T’Challa raises his hand to stop him. Erik does just because he never thought he would see the two of them again. His heart beats at a faster rate. 

“There was so much I wanted to tell you, to tell Ujasiri. But I didn’t and I am sorry,” Erik steps closer, “but I cannot take away the pain that I have given you, the kind of pain you already had enough of.” T’Challa whispers to Ujasiri, then steps up to Erik. They join hands. Erik is too shocked to even think about the accent of T’Challa’s voice.

“I thought I could go without you, but I realized very quickly that I could not. But I could not go home, I could not go back to you. The responsibility that I had run from became the exact thing stopping me from coming to you. Ujasiri asked about you everyday until I told him the truth. I think he gets the stubbornness from you.” Erik laughs and his face is wet with tears. T’Challa drops their hands to grip his face. He wipes his tears and stares into his eyes with so much emotion Erik could die. 

“I will never leave you again, N’Jadaka,” he pauses, “I want you to come to Wakanda with me.” 

“T’Challa, don’t give me another dream to be torn down.”

“There won’t be,” T’Challa says it with such confidence that Erik believes him, “I have tried to be without you, but I can’t. I can’t be a King without the love of my life-”

“King?” T'Challa shakes his head, as if dismissing the thought for him. 

“I love you, N’Jadaka. Come to Wakanda with me and I will explain everything. Please?” 

Erik can feel himself give in to his emotions. To the L word he told himself too many years ago that he would never feel again. His hands shake and he takes a look at Ujasiri. Ujasiri looks at him with wide, hopeful eyes, and Erik caves in to his heart. He loves the two more than anything in the world. Erik curses out loud and breaks their hold. He tugs on his dreadlocks because is he willing to leave everything for T'Challa? For Ujasiri? What makes it worse is that Erik fucking knows that answer, but he needs something, anything, and he will retreat. Nothing comes. 

“Okay.” Ujasiri runs to him then and embraces him. Erik kisses his head and smiles. T’Challa waits patiently for the two to conclude before they kiss with so much intensity that he feels dizzy. 

“Do I need anything or..?” T’Challa laughs and shakes his head. Ujasiri is tugging at him into the ship and it dawns on him that he has no fucking clue what Wakanda has in store for him. Not when his two lifelines are dressed in hundred thousand dollar outfits on a possibly a couple hundred million dollar ship, but he is only guessing on the money amounts. 

He is stuffed between Ujasiri and T’Challa, but he does not mind at all. His left hand is intertwined with T’Challa’s and his right is rubbing his son’s head. 

His son’s. How crazy. 

“ Wamkelekile ekhaya, uthando lwam.” 

“What does that mean?” But T’Challa smiles full of joy. Erik finds himself smiling too, mirroring the happiness. 

“You will see.”

**Author's Note:**

> Wamkelekile ekhaya, uthando lwam-Welcome home, my love. 
> 
> Also, sorry for any errors. I did not go over this work when I made it minutes before I passed out.


End file.
